Your brother kicks you in the scrotum in utero, and the ultrasound tech sees it and laughs.
Your brother gets birthed, and you’re just hanging out alone in the womb for the first time, just for two minutes.
Your twin learns to poke your eyes, roll over onto you, or crawl away from you for the first time, and you can only lie there and kick your legs like an upside-down bug.
You forget you’re not the same person, and accidentally open your mouth when the spoon is going in your brother’s mouth.
You mind your own business and your mom yells at you because she got your names mixed up.
Your mom tries to change your poopy diaper even though she just changed you five minutes ago and can’t remember which one she changed.
Your brother bites you for the first time.
You wake up in the morning with a squeal BECAUSE YOU CANNOT BELIEVE HE’S STILL THERE and you have a built-in playmate.
You start crying because you’re hurt, but then realize it’s your twin who was hurt (you got confused and had major sympathy pain).
Your mom takes you to the doctor alone for the first time, while your twin stays home healthy… and you look around at his empty car seat and freak out.
You get called the wrong name, again.
Your mom takes you to the church nursery alone for the first time, while your twin stays home sick… and you freak out.
We try to put you in Daddy’s Volkswagen for the first time, with only one car seat, and you act like a cat trying to be squished into a crate because you didn’t know there was such a thing as a car that only held one of you.
Your brother is melting down about his “wrong” pants/ blanket/shoes/ cup, and you think he’s acting like a fool because your pants/ blankets/ shoes/ cup are just fine.
He convinces you for the first time to undo that child lock or jump off that bookshelf and your mom disciplines you instead of him.
Your brother steals your identity and all you can say is “Hey!”.
You have both grown so much that you jostle for space on your mom’s chest so much that you end up fighting like alley cats, on her chest, because you don’t know why you don’t fit there together anymore, and you assume it’s his fault.
You learn to hug, but your twins reject you because he assumes you’re trying to fight him again.
You wake up, and he’s not there.
You end up going in verbal argument loops, such as this one:
“No, that’s MY ah-choo!!!!”
After eight childless years, Melissa is a stay-at-home mom to three small boys of various races and genetic makeup, none of whom were created in her body (one is adopted from someone else’s body; two are from petri dishes). Okayest Mom has survived postpartum hemorrhage, as well as having three children in diapers simultaneously. Both almost killed her. These days, Mrs. Okayest is just trying to survive regular life. She calls herself “Okayest Mom” because she isn’t trying to be the best at anything, and also because she really is finally okay. Melissa can empathize with those who have experienced infertility, miscarriage, multiples, adoption, and transracial families. She rants shares her experiences on her blog, Okayest Mom. Her writing has been featured on Scary Mommy, Baby Center, RESOLVE, and Beyond Infertility. You can join the other Okayest Moms on Facebook.